Think Your Job is In Trouble? Read the Room
Did somebody say something?
No. There hasn't even been a whisper. But somehow you know. You just know. You're in trouble at work.
It's when you're in a meeting that the feeling of dread is at its most painful. Everything is going along as it usually does in meetings at your company, but behind every smile, frown and yawn, you're getting a message. You're in trouble, big time.
Or maybe not. Maybe you're imagining the whole thing. Maybe the problem is simply that you don't know how to read the room.
If you don't know how to read the room, you definitely should read "How to Read the Room," a new career self-help book by Pamela Meyer. (If you don't want to commit to reading a whole book -- and who can blame you -- what with the new season of "1000LB Sisters" around the corner, a good overview can be had in a Sarah Kessler joint in "Dealbook" from The New York Times.)
According to Kessler, "Meyer believes there's a mountain of research in psychological sciences, law enforcement and the intelligence world that people in business ought to know."
You don't have to watch all 673 seasons of "Law & Order" to know that she's right. A vigorous Eliott Stabler interrogation of the recidivists in Marketing would surely turn up any number of corporate crimes and, while I am not in favor of torture, you don't have to be Carrie Mathison to know a soupcon of waterboarding would reveal any number of dark secrets in the evil underbelly of accounting.
Since we are unlikely to see the spirited interrogation techniques so useful in the intelligence community from management -- nor are we likely to see much intelligence -- it will be up to you to read the room on your own.
Here's a step-by-step approach to get you started.
No. 1: Empty Your Head
According to research by Australian psychologist Joseph Forgas, stressed minds can find hostility in neutral interactions. So the idiot who cut in front of you in traffic this morning could have poisoned your mind, as well as your commute.
Before deciding that everyone in the room is against you, stay empty-headed -- you can do it! -- until you have definite proof -- like the fact that before you entered the room for the morning status meeting, all the apple fritters were taken and the only donut you were left with is a desiccated cinnamon cake.
That's the kind of evidence that no one can deny.
No. 2: Read the Vibe
Job No. 1 when you enter the room is to become aware of the vibe. Author Pamela Meyer asks, "Is it peppy?" "Is it cool?" Obviously, she doesn't work at your company. More appropriate vibe choices for you are "Is it creepy?" and "Have I entered the kingdom of the edgelord Valerius and am now in a realm where the sun seems a forgotten myth and the wind whispers a dying breath to all that is pure and good?"
Or, as we like to call it, HR.
No. 3: Micro-behaviors macro-mistakes
Human beings are difficult to read. Just because your manager doesn't look you in the eye doesn't necessarily mean they are lying to you. They probably are, but not necessarily. (In fact, scientists have discovered that "honest people, nervous under questioning, glanced away and looked guilty." To be safe, assume everyone is lying to you, especially me.)
It is equally difficult to read other common tells, like frantic foot tapping (test market collapse or a new hot drop from Kendrick Lamar?) or shifting uncomfortably in a chair (is it a round of layoffs or hemorrhoids?)
No. 4: Pet the Big Dog
Instead of looking at everyone in the room to see how they are looking, look at everyone to see who they are looking at. This is how you'll learn who in the room holds power.
If this person is not you, make sure you agree with everything they say, no matter how stupid. If they don't say anything, don't you say anything until you determine their position. "I agree with Taylor on this," you say. If there's no one in the room named Taylor, say it anyway. It will provide an air of mystery to your reputation and please edgelord Valerius.
If you look at everyone who is looking at everyone and discover that everyone is looking at you, then the person who holds the power is you. That's a problem, but once you know it, you now know what to do.
Quit.
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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at info@creators.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2026 Creators Syndicate, Inc.
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