MIAMI — If you routinely find yourself in toxic relationships that lead to heartache and drama at some point we must consider that we might be part of the problem, if not THE PROBLEM.

The most refreshing thing I have learned in the past three months is that the Miami Dolphins organization realizes it has issues — culture problems — that need to be fixed before it will have anything healthy, sustainable, worth bragging to the world about.

Owner Steve Ross seemingly came to this realization on his own, sources told me, and it was long before the benching of Tua Tagovailoa after the Pittsburgh debacle, or the firing of general manager Chris Grier after the disappointing 28-6 nationally televised loss to the Baltimore Ravens.

Ross vowed to do things differently, and got off to a solid start by firing coach Mike McDaniel last week and hiring Jon-Eric Sullivan as the team’s general manager.

It’s not that McDaniel was a bad coach (he wasn’t, which explains why nearly half a dozen teams are trying to hire him), or that Sullivan’s the next Ozzie Newsome, a Hall of Fame player and executive, or John Schneider, the architect of the Seattle Seahawks.

It has more to do with Ross realizing the Dolphins desperately need a culture change, one that can make success attainable in a city where the sun shines year around, the partying is nonstop for those who choose that lifestyle, and the women are dangerously beautiful.

The bottom line is that South Florida provides an NFL player, and team, plenty of distractions.

Hell, Tootsies, a nationally known strip club, is 3.3 miles away from the stadium and practice facility, and for decades players have been regulars there.

In fact, one running back — who shall remain nameless — allegedly visited Tootsies so frequently it was one of the reasons he got traded.

I vividly remember the conversation I had with one longtime Dolphins executive, who confessed that the franchise’s decision-makers got to a point where they targeted married, or engaged players in free agency, and the draft.

I’m going to withhold the year this was told to me to protect the innocent (and guilty), but during the next two seasons roughly a dozen divorces or separations were taking place on the team.

True story!

Here’s another one.

One of the biggest practice fights that ever took place happened in the 2011 season when Vontae Davis, a first-round pick in 2009, showed up to a Saturday morning walk-though practice drunk — not hungover, but still intoxicated —and Brandon Marshall, who is the furthest thing from a role model, fought Davis over it on the practice field the day before Miami’s first win that season, a road win against Kansas City that ended a seven-game losing streak.

That fight supposedly unified that team, which ended the year winning six of the final nine games before triggering Ross’ first franchise reset.

These are the dangers of placing an NFL franchise in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah, and if you don’t believe this environment is being factored in by the John Harbaughs, Mike Tomlins and Kevin Stefanskis of the world you’re sadly mistaken.

This isn’t Green Bay, where the most excitement you can find on a Wednesday night is at the Appleton buffet.

That is what Miami’s new general manager’s signing up for, and what he and the next head coach must change.

That is why Miami needs to shy away from hiring another first-time head coach, employing an individual who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.

The Dolphins need a leader with a firm grip on the team, an alpha male who makes the most physical and forceful professional athletes listen out of not only respect, but fear.

Tony Sparano, who was backed up by the muscle of Bill Parcells, struggled with it at times.

Joe Philbin, who grew up as an NFL coach in Green Bay, much like Sullivan, couldn’t understand it.

Adam Gase looked the other way, and Brian Flores’ failed to acknowledge it.

McDaniel couldn’t contain it. But if we’re being honest, neither could Don Shula based on the stories some of his players tell decades later.

WQAM morning host Joe Rose tells legendary tales about Dolphins players and South Florida drug dealers jockeying for the same women, and nightly competition becoming so dangerous that Shula banned them from partaking in South Florida nightlife.

Few listened, but they all hid it from Shula.

The Dolphins should no longer ignore the challenges that fielding a competitive team in this environment creates.

What this team’s decision-makers need to do is find a coach who the players have to hide their nighttime activities from, and one who will create consequences for those who let this city chew them up, and eventually spit them out.

That’s why the Dolphins shouldn’t be focused on finding the next quarterback whisperer, or the hot offensive or defensive mastermind.

This franchise needs to find the biggest and baddest alpha male, someone with a reputation that demands respect, a persona that evokes authority.

That’s the only way I think the Dolphins’ culture begins to shift, and the toxic relationship this franchise has with its fan base finally comes to an end.

The Dolphins don’t need the smartest guy in the room to be this franchise’s next coach. They need the toughest.

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