Friend Gets Caught Talking Behind Woman's Back
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently caught me talking badly about her, and I feel awful. We were at dinner, and she had walked away; I was facing away from the bathroom, and when she was walking back over, she overheard me say that an outfit didn't suit her body well and she didn't look good. Hearing those comments from a friend must have been incredibly hurtful and embarrassing for her.
Since then, things have been awkward between us, and I can tell that I damaged her trust. I apologized, but I'm not sure if my apology was enough or if she even believes that I'm sorry. Part of me wants to keep reaching out and trying to explain myself, but another part of me worries that I'm making the situation about my own guilt rather than her feelings. I know that what I said was wrong, and I'm struggling with the fact that I can't take those words back. How can I rebuild trust after something like this? Should I continue trying to talk to her about it, or should I give her space and let her decide if she wants to move forward with our friendship? -- Bad Mouth
DEAR BAD MOUTH: Stop apologizing. The damage is done. You have let your friend know you didn't mean to hurt her. She will forgive you or not. The lesson here is that it is never good to talk about people, whether or not they are within earshot. If you have a thought about the way someone looks, say it directly to them or keep your mouth closed. If others have critical things to say about your friends in a public setting, step up and invite them to stop, too. It is so easy to disparage others, and many people do it unconsciously. Yet it is possible to adopt more positive behavior. Start now by biting your tongue the next time you have an offhanded remark to make.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are going to move in together after two years of dating. I'm somebody who always had their own space growing up, and I enjoy being able to decompress when I need to. I can get overwhelmed easily, and my personal space is something that used to ground me. My boyfriend is particular about how he likes things, while I'm a little more laid-back when it comes to organization. He said he'll be open to change; however, I know this will be a big adjustment for him as well.
Many people are saying that two years is too soon to move in together, but I don't think it makes sense for us to continue paying rent separately when we have a strong relationship that we hope lasts. Do you have any tips on moving in with a partner? -- The Big Move
DEAR THE BIG MOVE: Talk about your values, practices and expectations in your home. Practical things like how you keep your space and how to divide household duties are important, as is how to address issues or conflicts. Establish a weekly meeting where you discuss your home and your life so that you avoid allowing tension to linger.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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